Friday, December 18, 2009

What a surprise. Not.

So, I was reading an article about the happiest states in the US and found that Ohio came in at number 44. Out of 51. Yeeeeahhh. Shocker!  Why do I live here again?

But, because I live here, I have to disagree with the list. The article said that this was based on a survey that basically asked people if they're happy. Well, sure. Who's going to say no except for the hard-working, honest people in places like Cleveland, Ohio? The weather's crappy, the job market sucks, we have a terrible football team. The only reason we're here is because our family is here. But, family makes us happy, so therefore, I believe we're happier than people in, say, Louisiana.

Also, it is my belief that most people are dumber below the Mason-Dixon Line (if the Mason-Dixon Line extended through the continental US). Their language is foreign to me - they have no qualms about double negatives, they take the 'g' off any word ending in 'ing,' they have a twang that just grates on your nerves. So, really, what do these people know about happiness? They can't even drive in snow.

So, take at least 20 states above Ohio off the list.

Then you've got those pesky states in the middle of the country. Very few people know exactly where Montana, Nebraska or the Dakotas are. That would make me unhappy.

And what about the southwest? The people are melting out there. They can't possibly be happy about that.

It rains all the time in Washington and Oregon, so those people certainly aren't happy.

Utah has the Mormons, you know they're unhappy.

That means Ohio should at least rank in the top 5. Right after Hawaii (because, really, who can't be happy in Hawaii), Colorado (which is just a cool state), Alaska (because you'd have to be crazy to live there and all crazy people are happy) and Massachusetts (for the wicked Bahstahn accent alone).

(My apologies to any state mentioned above I may have offended. Give me a break, I'm from Ohio.)

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