Please, make it stop.

Oh, The Bachelorette. How I love loathe you. Seriously, the show could be about 20 minutes long if they would just edit out the characters gazing out into the wild blue yonder, repeating (in a voiceover) (while we watch them gaze "thoughtfully") the same things they've said a million times. I'm already drunk from the "amazing" drinking game and it's only been 10 minutes!

I wonder if the editors of this show have been up for any awards? I mean, it takes a lot to edit the crap material they're given into something of interest. Although, I don't quite understand some of the things they do. For example, they show Roberto packing up a red suitcase. And in the next shot, he's putting a black suitcase into a limo. Was he helping an old lady with her luggage? Wouldn't that just be a Roberto thing to do? I lurve him.

And why have they changed the rules of the show this season? Giving the bachelors free reign to leave their house/hotels to a) get tattoos or b) call their girlfriends and leave 100 messages or c) not go to Tahiti right away because they need to see their ex-girlfriends (in Chicago) and tell them they love them.

But that last one was pretty awesome. Frank goes to tell his (ex-)girlfriend that he loves her and wants to be with her. And then says he has to fly to Tahiti to tell Ali. Um, wouldn't a phone call have sufficed? I know Chris Harrison could give them both a phone to use (I saw him do it earlier in the season). Also, when Frank gets to Tahiti, why is he all sunburned and why does he have a lot of luggage? Doesn't he just need a change of underwear and a toothbrush to break up with someone on TV?

What I'd really like, and I've probably said this before, is a reality show that goes behind the scenes of the reality show. I know this entire thing is fake (Ali is the WORST fake crier ever), I just want to know how it's done. I know it spoils the fun, like when you learned how the magician saws a person in half, but really. This show has been on for, like, 20 seasons. It's time to show the man behind the curtain. I want to know why they let that guy get a tattoo. I want to know why they let Justin call his girlfriend. I want to know why they let Frank go to Chicago to see his girlfriend. For the drama, I get it, but... why weren't they doing this all along? I am sure a lot of the past seasons could have used a little more crazy. That's why we watch. A doy.

And speaking of crazy, Frank's break-up scene was painful. It should have lasted about 6 seconds ("I'm in love with someone else. See ya!"), but there was a lot of crying and staring and more crying. It was uncomfortable. About 4 times, I said to the TV (because the TV and I are friends), "Make it stop!" "Okay, we get it. Bye, Frank!" And poor Chris Harrison. I know he's contractually obligated to be there, but man, he's got one painful job (keeping a straight face is hard work, people). I hope he gets a bonus at the end of each season.

I still don't understand what possesses a person to want to go on reality TV. Don't they know the kind of fame they receive is a) short-lived and b) not the good kind? They have people (like me) talking smack about them for a few weeks and then we (I) forget they exist. If I were Ali, I would be embarrassed horrified by my actions. I totally get her riding Roberto's jock the way she was. I mean, seriously? Homeboy's hot. But she was kissing boys she doesn't even like or know their names. It's kind of pathetic.

At least they got to visit some cool places this season... I really hate these people.