Hotel, motel, Holiday INN!

I will never look at the world the same way. Not after what I've just been through.

So, I spent yesterday with some friends from work. Instead of going skiing for the day, we decided to go bowling and dancing (sorry, Al, but yay for me!). After a few games of bowling (high score of 122 - woo!), we went to a local brewery for dinner. The plan was to go dancing downtown, but I knew, if we did, we were going to lose our group. My girlfriend's friend was going to a Holiday Inn to go dancing, so she suggested we meet up with her.

(sound of record scratching) Hold on a sec. Holiday Inn? As in the hotel? Was I missing something? Since when did the Holiday Inn become the hot spot? Looked like I was going to find out.

After leaving the rest of our group, my friend and I made our way to the Holiday Inn. I had prepared myself for a quiet piano bar, older people drinking scotch or brandy.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.

I was dumbfounded. The place was packed, the disco ball spinning, the dance floor filled with middle-aged (non)dancers shaking their groove thangs. Lots of balding guys wearing silk shirts unbuttoned to their navels, gold chains proudly hanging from their thick hairy necks. Women in brightly colored dresses, high heels.  Boobs all over the place. I think I saw a few nipples. Did I mention there were boobs? Everywhere?

Boobs. Everywhere.

I needed a drink. I needed 2 drinks.

We made our way over to the group. They were there celebrating a 40th birthday. I'll tell ya, this is where I'm coming for my birthday. And my sister's birthday. And every friend's birthday this year. The music wasn't bad. I had my drinks in hand, groovin' to the music. I could see this becoming my new hangout. I was even carded on our way in. My guess is it was because I was under 60, but I was not complaining.

I was drinking the Kool-Aid until the band came out. Picture 60-year-old wannabe... um, not sure what they wanted to be. They started their set with a Dr. Dre song. Really? These guys were white. And old. Do they even know who Dr. Dre is? But, I have to admit, they could rap better than me and I fancy myself a pretty awesome rapper. So, I went along with it. That required a few more drinks. Because, after a few songs, they slowed it down. Which was a good thing because those boobs needed a break.

"Always and foreva... each moment witchoo... it's just like a dream to me..." Yikes. If that wasn't bad enough, they then played some Kenny G. Who was this band anyway? I prayed for them to go on break again so we could hear the DJ play some fun music.

While we waited, I made friends with some people at my table. A man and his girlfriend (surprisingly, both under the age of 60), told me they'd been here before. I was instructed to wait until later when the transvestites come out. They also told stories of the Asian prostitution ring infiltrating the hotel. (I never saw the transvestites, but I believe I danced next to a group of Asian prostitutes) What a fun and interesting place. I am totally coming here again next week.

The DJ came out and we danced some more. Boobs. Everywhere. I was sure one lady was going to give herself a black eye. Another woman's top was so tight and squished her girls up so far, she had created a chin rest. For everyone dancing near her.

Yeah. Boobs. Everywhere.

Additionally, the place was swarming with 80-year-old security/bouncer-type people. I had already gotten into trouble for having my drink out on the dance floor. Now there was a man up on stage, arms crossed, trying to look menacing, but I think he was more worried about falling off the stage and breaking a hip.  I know I was worried for him.

But, I will be forever grateful to the 70-year-old man who taught me a new line dance last night. I wouldn't be this person today if weren't for you. And the Holiday Inn.

I might recover someday.