Yes, Wear a Mask, but No, Don't Be a Dick

We have the annual festival at my church this weekend. Due to stupid, horrible COVID-19, the festival was altered, offering a limited menu via drive-thru only. And, honestly, we were lucky that we were able to have anything at all. If it were up to me, I would've shrugged and said, "eh, maybe next year". But, really, I'm not trying to pay the mortgage and utilities on a large facility like a church, so what do I know?

Festival, it is!

And just like a good steward of the church, I volunteered. Mostly, I've worked in the kitchen, putting dinners together - socially distancing and wearing PPE. We are doing everything we can to make this event as safe as possible, both for our volunteers and our guests. And I'm pretty freaked out about this disease, so if I say we're being safe, we're being safe.

Today was my first time in front of the public. And my first experience seeing how freaked out other people are. It's not as if I didn't know. I have social media, after all. But I thought we were all decent human beings at the core. We all want to be safe and healthy. And this is a church function, so it'd be reasonable to think people might be nice.

Wrong.

I was taking orders. It was hot. I was wearing a mask. I know that I was. And it was never off my face. However, I admit I can't say that the mask was properly secured at all times for 3 reasons:

A) We were outside
B) It was hot and I was sweaty
C) The mask would slide off my nose

I DO know for a fact that I would reposition the mask when I would get to a new car. And, I maintained social distance. Because, as I said above, I am freaked out about this disease and I will (selfishly) admit, I don't want to get it. So, I'm pretty sure I would do what I can to keep myself safe (even though I know I know, the mask is for other people, not me). But whatever.

When it all came out and our state shut down, I didn't leave the house for 8 whole weeks. We didn't have our weekly family dinner with my parents and siblings because we would be over the 10 people limit. When my neighbor and I walked the neighborhood, one of us was in the street and the other was on the sidewalk.

I've been playing by the damrules.

But today, someone questioned my commitment to playing by these rules. I had just left a car when a woman in the car in front of me yelled out her window that I wasn't wearing my mask and that she had taken 20 pictures of me not wearing my mask and she was going to shut us down.

I was speechless. I mean, who does this?

Look, I get it. We are living in a horrible nightmare of a time. I am afraid for everyone I know. I have mini panic attacks when my husband leaves the house and want to spray him down when he walks in the door. My kids don't see friends. I yell at my parents to stay the fuck home. And even though the lockdown is over, I don't feel safe.

So, she took these 20 pictures and showed them to one policeman who was working security. From what I heard, she showed him, he told her I wasn't breaking any rules (the guidance is "should" wear a mask, not "shall") and to have a nice day. So, what did the lady do? She took his picture, too, for not wearing a mask (he was off duty, btw).

I don't know, maybe it's my type of anxiety that won't allow me to just roll my eyes at the crazy lady and let. shit. go. (Obviously, if I'm thinking enough to write about it.) But, I wasn't breaking any rules, we were at a church function, and this woman now has 20 pictures of me sitting on her phone because it made her feel important. I wasn't even anywhere near her, so it wasn't as if she was afraid for her safety.  To add to that, she ordered food and took it home, so she must not have been too worried. She just wanted to stick her nose in someone else's business.

Was it always this way? Were there always entitled, yet ignorant people in the world, letting everyone know their every feeling at every minute? I know social media has given people a sort of power to say whatever they want to whomever they want. But I'm wondering if everyone was always like this, it is just more obvious nowadays?

Someone at the festival told me that this lady is the epitome of a Karen. And, of course, I know that term, but I decided to look it up. According to Wikipedia (the epitome of truth on the internet, I know), a Karen "demands the world exist according to her standards with little regard for others, and she is willing to risk or demean others to achieve her ends."

This woman is TOTALLY a Karen. I mean, who is she to tell me what I did wrong? She doesn't know me, doesn't know how I feel about keeping people safe. She doesn't really care about that. As long as she gets to do and say whatever she wants.

So, fuck you, Karen. I hope you feel better, you nitwit. And next time, YOU wear a mask.

(Oh, did I forget to mention she wasn't wearing a mask herself? Soooo, yeah, there's that.)

Things I've Learned About Dogs

We've had Rocco almost 2 whole weeks. I think that alone makes me a puppy expert, so I thought I'd impart my wisdom onto the world. If you are thinking about adopting a puppy, this should help make your decision. And remember, you own the puppy, the puppy does not own you.

Yeah, right.

So, here are some things to keep in mind:

1. The liquid on your floor is almost always pee.
2. This is true even if you had just taken your dog outside to pee.
3. Twice within 30 minutes.
4. Puppies have the most energy at 5:30. A.M. 
5. Just like with infants, mothers are somehow the only people who hear when the puppy awakes at 5:30. A.M.
6. Puppies do not allow you to make coffee in the morning.
7. If you try, you will get pee on your floor.
8. Puppies think your hands (feet, clothing, hair) are their own personal chew toy.
9. What's considered "playful" by puppies is actually "painful" by humans.
10. Everyone in the world will want to pet your puppy. Even in this COVID-19 world. 
11. My sister says I am not allowed to Lysol a puppy.
12. Until you housetrain your puppy, you will clean up pee and (ugh, sometimes) poop no less than 5 times a day.
13. Cats are not the only assholes who pee all over the house. Go figure.
14. You will take a million and one pictures of the puppy, in various positions:
• Sleeping
• Sleeping upside down
• Sleeping on its side
• Laying down
• Sitting
• Sitting in your lap
• Eating
• Slow-motion video running (that never works out because he's too fast)
• Playing with your children
• Biting your husband (that one is pretty funny)
15. The cuter the pose, the faster they move from it when you sloooowly reach for your phone. It's like they know.
16. There is a thing I like to call "puppy psycho time", but is actually called "the zoomies", that happens every day around 8 in the evening. No idea what prompts it. 
17. There is also a thing called the "puppy pass-out" that happens right after "puppy psycho time".
18. The person who cleans up after the puppy and, more importantly, feeds the puppy becomes that puppy's "person". 
19. That's me. I'm the Person. 
20. I will not apologize for being the puppy's Person. As soon as one of these assholes I live with wants to take over these duties, they are more than welcome to become the Person. Until then, bugger off.

Oh and one last thing: A puppy who loves belly rubs is the single greatest creature on the planet.

I hope this information has helped as you make your decision to adopt or not. And if you have any questions about how to clean up dog urine, don't call me. I've already had my fill for the day.

So We Got a Dog

As you already know, I am a cat person. Our sweet sweet crazy Zoe went to kitty heaven last March. Since then, we have enjoyed new carpeting and no responsibilities, but also missed the joy a pet can bring. The boys have been asking for a dog for years and since we're in the middle of a pandemic and home all the time, we figured why not?

Meet Rocco. He's 50% Labradoodle, 50% Goldendoodle, and 100% adorable. At 8 weeks, he's a fluffy bundle of energy and joy, with a side of chill. I fell in love with him the moment we met.

#dogmom

But, boy, is he different than a cat. With a cat, you need to give him food, water, and a place to do his business (hopefully, not on your carpet). And then you can basically fuck off for all he needs you.

Not dogs. Dogs are like children. And not necessarily the good part of children. Instead, dogs are the not sleeping, not listening, constantly chasing after them so they don't make a mess/break something/hurt themselves part of children. But, he's damcute, so I will deal. And, just like any child stage, I know this is only for a short time.

We've had him 5 (whole) days. In those 5 days, he has ridden in a car every day, sniffed his doggie cousins, met the neighbors, been manhandled by small children and bullied by big dogs, visited the vet, and been hugged by every single person he's come into contact with. He has that way about him.

The first 4 days were kind of magical if you can believe that. He slept through the night, only had accidents because his owners were stupid, and was basically the chillest dog on the planet. But then something happened on night 4.

He became a toddler.

Now, he doesn't sleep nearly as much, he chews everything, including, but not limited to:

• Appendages
• Hair
• Clothing
• Furniture
• Blankets
• Carpeting
• Shoes
• Shoes
• Shoes
• Mulch
• Grass
• Leaves
• Dead bird carcasses
• Dog. treats. that. he. has. thrown. up.

Last night, he ran around in circles for 10 full minutes. Scared the crap out of me. Especially because he tried to do it underneath the armchair. 

Honestly, I have never had a dog, so I don't even know if this is normal. I'm new to training, I'm new to grooming, I'm new to what type of sniffing means what. I mean, who put me in charge of a dog? I love him so much and would never let anything happen to him, but dang. He is a pain in the ass. To quote my mother, "If he wasn't so cute, he'd be dead."

Juuuuuust kidding, all you PETA people. I love animals more than humans most days.

I'm kind of excited to see how he learns, though. Zoe acted so much like a dog, I feel like a part of this is familiar. So, we'll keep him. And learn to love to redirect his bad habits every 5 minutes and clean up pee and poop every 10 minutes (because his owners are stupid). 

Welcome to the family, pup-a-lump!