So, Your Kid is Taking Sex Ed? Mine, Too.

My 11-year-old is in the 5th grade.  5th grade in our school district means APL, or Art of Personal Living.  Let's just call it what it is, OK?  It's sex ed.  With a tiny focus on,"Clean yourselves, yo.  You will stink more as you age."

I took APL in 5th grade, too.  It was all thrillingly awkward.  I wanted to know, but, also, didn't want to know.  You know?  Lord knows my parents weren't going to tell me a damthing.  And I was right. When I asked my mother about it later, she just said, "I figured school would take care of it."  The only advice I got from my mom in that area was, "God doesn't want you to do it until marriage."

Aaaaand, end scene.

Anyway, my experience wasn't traumatic.  They glossed over anything remotely interesting.  You know, what to actually DO when you do it.  And, in hindsight, I'm perfectly fine with that.  A) I was eleven and shouldn't know anyway and B) it means my children won't know either.

They had a parent meeting before our children's class began.  I was unable to make it, but my brother went (his daughter is also taking the class).

Sidenote:  Can I just say, once again, how entertaining it is (for me) that my brother got the girls?  As awful as he was to girls growing up, including me, I find it deeply satisfying that he now has to worry about boys like him hurting his beautiful, beautiful daughters.  Not that I want them to hurt either.  I just kinda wish he could go back in time and be this guy instead of that guy.  But, I digress.

So, the class.  With bleeding ears, he listened to them talk about periods and acne and various other horrifyingly hormonal happenings.  It all seemed very vanilla to me.  I mean, yes, periods are uncomfortable to talk about, but, well, whatever.

Fast forward to the afternoon of the first class.  All day, I knew my son had this class.  I had learned my lesson about oversharing, so I had decided that I would play it cool and not ask a damthing.

Turns out, I didn't have to.

He came right home and said, "So, we had our first APL class."

Me (side-eyed, pretending to be doing something else):  Oh?
Him:  Yeah.  She gave us a pretest to find out what we knew.  We had to answer, 'yes', 'no', 'not sure'. I said 'not sure' to a lot.
Me:  Like what?
Him:  I don't remember all of the questions, but one was (small, embarrassed smile), 'Do you know what a penis is?'
Me (to myself):  OK, a necessary evil.
Him (continuing):  Semen...
Me (again, to myself):  Oh, God.
Him:  Wet dream...

I blink.
He blinks.

Me:  Oookaaaayyy... do you want to know what these things are?
Him:  NO!  I'm going out to play!
Me (to myself):  Oh, thank God.

I'm not sure if I should be horrified or proud that he doesn't know these things yet.

I'm going with proud.