So, my soon-to-be-7-year-old started first grade this year. Unlike Kindergarten, he is in school full-time this year, including lunch. The start of first grade brought on a whole new set of supplies needed (which I secretly love, by the way): art box (!), 5 colored folders, hole reinforcers (?), crayons, scissors, pencils, etc., and a lunch box (!). With that lunch box? Lunches. With snacks. I think that might've been the most important part to him.
I have to admit, I was a little more worried about him at the start of this school year than last. For one, he's there a full 7 hours instead of 2-1/2 (and yes, Kindergarten was only 2-1/2 hours - how that teacher taught all 28 children to read is a minor miracle). Secondly, he only knew one kid from Kindergarten that was going to be in his first grade class. I'll tell you, I was more bummed than he was. He knew the kids in his Kindergarten class, his cousin was in there, we knew some of the parents already... we were on our way to finding his lifelong BFF. And then, bam! Now we had to start all over again.
As a parent, you worry about your child making friends. Looking back, I don't know how I made my childhood best friend. I just remember her being my best friend. I don't remember my mother setting up play dates or even talking to my friends' mothers other than a friendly wave at drop off and pick up.
It's not that way anymore. Now we set up play dates. I had had "play dates" before, but those were more my friends and I getting together while our children played with each other's toys. The real play dates are different.
Personally, I think these play dates are more interviews than anything. To see if we, the mothers, like each other, which, in turn, makes it okay for our children to hang out. And, since I'm really not all that good at making friends (the ones I have are the ones I've had practically all my life and I'm happy with that), these interviews are unnerving. What if they don't like me? What if I don't like them and my child does?
Over the summer, my soon-to-be-7-year-old played T-ball. A few of his friends from Kindergarten were on his team. The other mothers and I slowly got to know each other over the season as we cheered on one another's children. We were even invited to one of the boys' birthday parties, which then led to a real play date.
I was nervous before the play date. What's the protocol? Do you just drop your kid off and pick him up in an hour? Do you stay to chat while they play? I ended up staying. And the mother and I chatted nonstop for 3-1/2 hours. I LOVED her. I had visions of her becoming my new bff (lower case - no one could possibly replace my BFF). She and I were so compatible, it was so easy.
And then, a few weeks later, we learned her son was not in my son's class (bubble bursting). My son was, however, in the same class as one of the other boys on his T-ball team, so I felt good about that. He's a nice boy, I like his mother. We tried to have a play date (ugh, that stupid word) at the zoo the week before school started, but it was packed, so, instead, we went to Chuck E. Cheese's (double ugh). My almost-7-year-old was happy that this boy was going to be in his class, so I was happy for him.
(Sidenote: I saw my bff at meet the teacher night and she swore we would still get together for play dates [fingers crossed]).
In the meantime, I had to move forward. My son had to meet the new kids in his class. He kept bringing up one child's name in particular, and, one day, brought home this boy's phone number. My son wrote his number down and gave it to his new classmate the next day and his mother called us on Friday to set up a play date.
Sigh. Here we go again.
I had high hopes. Our first and second attempts at play dates went well, so there was no need to think otherwise. I honestly don't know how kids make friends. Is it location? Is it that like-minded people gravitate towards each other? I remember my mother telling me once that my second grade teacher told her at a parent-teacher conference that I was with a good group of friends and not to worry about me. How did I get so lucky? How did I not end up best friends with the girl across the street who used to smoke at the bus stop? More importantly, how could I ensure my child wouldn't be friends with the kid who smokes at the bus stop?
So, on Saturday, we had a play date. It went... okay. The conversation flowed pretty well, but I didn't get the "we are going to be besties!" feeling from the mother. She has 2 older children and had some pretty good horror stories about other mothers she's met. And I wasn't sure how she felt about me. She mentioned how she watches her son pretty closely, but, at my house, I pretty much let the boys run free. I know they're safe in our house, so I don't feel I need to constantly be in the same room as them anymore. I only worry when it's quiet, which usually means they're up to no good (for example, I once caught my 3-year-old drawing on his walls in permanent marker [where'd he find the marker? and while I should be proud his shapes were perfect, it was permanent marker! on the walls!] or the time my at-the-time-4-year-old stuffing dirty underwear under his dresser).
What was I saying?
Oh right. So I wasn't sure if she was judging me for letting the kids play unsupervised in our (childproof - except for the kitty litter [which I hope she didn't notice]) basement. But she seemed nice enough and, while I don't need to be besties with my child's friend's mother, I think she and I will be fine waving to each other at pick ups and drop offs.
Hey, it was good enough for my mother, it's good enough for me.
I'm still holding out for my bff. Call me!
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