Me! Pick me! Me me me mememememeeeeeeeeee!

Spring cleaning. I love it and I hate it. Over the weekend, the husband and I, like the big bad wolf, tore our house apart and, unlike all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, we were able to put it back together again. Cleaner and more organized. Yay us!

When you do something like that, you tend to a) like your house a little more while, at the same time, b) notice what improvements are needed to make it better. So, I made a list of about 10 improvements I want to make to our house. I figure it’ll take us about 2 5 10 years and $2,000 $5,000 $10,000 $100,000 to complete. No problem! Where do I sign?!

It’s no secret I’m not a home improvement expert. Y’all know about my mad painting skillz. So, I’d love for HGTV to come to my house and complete at least one of my 10 items. For them, it’s probably a walk in the park and will take about 20 minutes. I’m not asking for too much. C’mon HGTV, humor me.

I went to their website to see what it would take to be one of those lucky people who get their houses redesigned. Lo and behold, there’s actually a section on their website called Be On TV! Hooray!

To be honest, I don’t really want to be on TV. I just want Candace Olson (and Chico) to come over, redo my kitchen and family room, and then leave. Without me embarrassing myself on national TV. The nice thing about Candace’s show, she doesn’t expect the homeowners to participate. We say hello in the beginning and wait until the big reveal to start crying about how beautiful it is. I can totally do that.

Unfortunately, most of the available TV options don’t apply to us. Apparently, HGTV never goes to the Midwest to decorate homes. It’s either because they think you can’t change perfection or you can’t change crazy. Either way, they’re not coming out here anytime soon.

But I did find one. Apparently, HGTV is going across country in an RV with random design stars to transform people’s homes. Will they ever reach the Midwest? Who knows. But, if my application is funny enough, they might.

I read they’re looking for amazing spaces to get HGTVd and incredible, enthusiastic homeowners with a love of HGTV. Well, our space isn’t so amazing, but I love HGTV and I can be incredible and enthusiastic if I’m picked. Woo! See?

They ask that you create a video, which, I think, is dumb. Unless it’s a video of my children. Now that’s funny. I have a video of my then 18-month-old terrorizing our cat and laaaaauughing hysterically. Funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

Oh, I wonder if I can do that? Not terrorize the poor cat, but have the boys pretend to own the home and want the makeover? I found my gimmick! They’ll totally pick us!

I can see it now…

6-year-old: Please come to our house and fix it. My mom said if I made this video, she’d let me play the Wii.

3-year-old: Pwease come or I weel punch you!

Yes, the 3-year-old is a brute. Where's that video camera?