Who Guess Who

So, today is my day off from work. It's always nice to have an extra weekend day to get the housework done, do the laundry, and play a rousing game of "Guess Who" (or, as my boys like to call it, "Who Guess Who") with my 3-year-old.

Typically, the object of the game is to guess your opponent's mystery person before your opponent guesses yours. So, you're supposed to pick a mystery person from the pile of 24 mystery cards before the game even starts. And then ask your opponent questions like, "Is your person a boy or a girl?" or "Is your person wearing a hat?" in order to guess their mystery person. The winner is the first to accurately guess his opponent's mystery person.

Yes, under normal circumstances, that is how the game is played. But that is not how my 3-year-old plays. When we first begin playing, he gets the red board and I get the blue. We set up our players, pick our mystery person and he begins the questions.

3-year-old: Mommy, does youw puwson have a mustache?
Me: No.
3-year-old knocks down half of his board.
Me: Is your person a boy or a girl?
3-year-old (while not even looking at his mystery person): Ahhh... a goiyal.
I knock down all the men.
3-year-old: Mommy, does your pewson have a beawd?
Me: No.
3-year-old knocks down remaining board, leaving one person standing.
Me: Did you pick my person?
3-year old nods.
I check.
He didn't.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

After about 4 rounds of this, we switch boards. I get red, he gets blue. By this point, we have given up picking our mystery people and the game goes like this:

3-year-old: Mommy, does youw puwson have a mustache?
Me: No.
3-year-old knocks down half of his board.
Me: Does your person have a mustache?
3-year-old: Yes (or no, depending on his mood).
I knock down half my board.
3-year-old: Mommy, does your pewson have a beawd?
Me: No.
3-year-old knocks down remaining board, leaving two people standing.
Me: Does your person wear glasses?
3-year-old: No (or yes, depending on his mood).
I knock down the rest of my board, leaving two people standing.
3-year-old: Does your pewson have a mustache? (Yes, he asks again.)
Me: Yes. (Why not?)
3-year-old knocks down one of the remaining pieces.
Me: Did you pick my guy?
3-year-old nods.
I check.

You bet he did.

And that's how I spent an hour this morning.

Me! Pick me! Me me me mememememeeeeeeeeee!

Spring cleaning. I love it and I hate it. Over the weekend, the husband and I, like the big bad wolf, tore our house apart and, unlike all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, we were able to put it back together again. Cleaner and more organized. Yay us!

When you do something like that, you tend to a) like your house a little more while, at the same time, b) notice what improvements are needed to make it better. So, I made a list of about 10 improvements I want to make to our house. I figure it’ll take us about 2 5 10 years and $2,000 $5,000 $10,000 $100,000 to complete. No problem! Where do I sign?!

It’s no secret I’m not a home improvement expert. Y’all know about my mad painting skillz. So, I’d love for HGTV to come to my house and complete at least one of my 10 items. For them, it’s probably a walk in the park and will take about 20 minutes. I’m not asking for too much. C’mon HGTV, humor me.

I went to their website to see what it would take to be one of those lucky people who get their houses redesigned. Lo and behold, there’s actually a section on their website called Be On TV! Hooray!

To be honest, I don’t really want to be on TV. I just want Candace Olson (and Chico) to come over, redo my kitchen and family room, and then leave. Without me embarrassing myself on national TV. The nice thing about Candace’s show, she doesn’t expect the homeowners to participate. We say hello in the beginning and wait until the big reveal to start crying about how beautiful it is. I can totally do that.

Unfortunately, most of the available TV options don’t apply to us. Apparently, HGTV never goes to the Midwest to decorate homes. It’s either because they think you can’t change perfection or you can’t change crazy. Either way, they’re not coming out here anytime soon.

But I did find one. Apparently, HGTV is going across country in an RV with random design stars to transform people’s homes. Will they ever reach the Midwest? Who knows. But, if my application is funny enough, they might.

I read they’re looking for amazing spaces to get HGTVd and incredible, enthusiastic homeowners with a love of HGTV. Well, our space isn’t so amazing, but I love HGTV and I can be incredible and enthusiastic if I’m picked. Woo! See?

They ask that you create a video, which, I think, is dumb. Unless it’s a video of my children. Now that’s funny. I have a video of my then 18-month-old terrorizing our cat and laaaaauughing hysterically. Funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

Oh, I wonder if I can do that? Not terrorize the poor cat, but have the boys pretend to own the home and want the makeover? I found my gimmick! They’ll totally pick us!

I can see it now…

6-year-old: Please come to our house and fix it. My mom said if I made this video, she’d let me play the Wii.

3-year-old: Pwease come or I weel punch you!

Yes, the 3-year-old is a brute. Where's that video camera?