I can see clearly now

So, I had to go to the eye doctor for my yearly (or, in my case, every-other-year-ly) check-up today.

I have been wearing glasses for over 20 years. My first pair of glasses, in 7th grade, were a rose-tinted number (what was my mother thinking?) that were bigger than my face (seriously, what WAS she thinking??). Those glasses were a fitting accessory to the braces I already had.

Oh yeah. I was hot.

I used to get my eyes checked at Sears Optical. They do a decent job for people without eye problems. But, the last couple years, I've been having troubles seeing with my contacts, so I had decided to see a REAL eye doctor (no offense, Sears, but you sell appliances and yard tools).

I ended up spending an hour and a half in their offices (one point for Sears). To be fair, I saw the doctor and the contacts specialist (one point for eye center), so I suppose it wasn't too bad. Plus, I was able to spend quality time with my iPhone while I waited for the pupil dilation to kick in.

Yeeeeaaah, pupil dilation. That's something Sears had never done (one point for Sears?), so, this was my first experience. A little warning would have been nice. I suppose I had heard stories about making sure you had someone drive you home. And I had seen those big ass black glasses people wear afterward. But no one told me when I made the appointment that that would be me.

I sat there for a minute, amazed that I could see perfectly clearly up close without glasses and that my glasses made everything blurry. For a split second, I thought I was cured and no longer needed glasses. Pupil dilation rocks.

But then I looked up. Not so good. As a matter of fact... bad. Even with glasses. So, since I couldn't focus on anything up close, I spent the time sending my sister random texts.

me: eyes dilated. can't see.
me: ooh, but it's kind of cool i can see better without my glasses.

her: hee. did they give you some painkillers, too?
her: hallucinogens?

me: does a numbing agent for my eyes count?
me: maybe it went to my brain.

her: i think so.

me: i love larry the contacts guy.
me: yikes. eyes getting worse.
me: hee, i do sound stoned.

her: who's driving you home?!

me: um, me? i have to sit here for 10 minutes.
me: i need popou's sunglasses.
me: this is a fun place to work. i wonder if they're hiring?

her: you're awfully random-y.

me: i should've brought a book. you think i'm insane.

her: no, i think you're high.

me: all my nails have broken.

her: heeeeee. you're hilarious.

me: and i'm hungry.

Then they sent me out into the blinding sun. It was like those times I went to happy hour and surprised I was drunk while it was still light outside. It might've been safer had I driven with my eyes closed.

me: omg, i can't see sheet. it's dambright out here. i have sunglasses on top of my glasses.

(Note:  This is probably a good time to point out that texting while driving, on top of not seeing is, in fact, very dangerous.  Kids, don't try this at home.)

I got home. Barely.

me: i could not see the whole ride home.
me: but i was still able to stop at mcdonald's for a coke.

her: hee.