Breakfast

So, I had an embarrassing coughing fit at work yesterday morning. I was just sitting at my desk, minding my own business. I was enjoying my coffee and dry Cinnamon Toast Crunch while surfing the internet (what?  it takes me a while to warm up to work) working hard.  I was working.

Do you ever notice how much cinnamon and sugar is on this cereal? When I eat it at home with milk, the milk dissolves most of it. Eating it dry, you're taking your life into your own hands.

I made the mistake of breathing in as I ate. Cinnamon and sugar galore rushed to the back of my throat. I coughed, which only made it worse. (Note to self: trying not to cough only makes you cough more.)

One co-worker asked if I was okay. I, of course, was choking and could not reply, but gave him a thumbs up. He offered water. Another co-worker came by with a cough drop.

Yes, these are the days of my life.

I *heart* HGTV

So, what do you need to do to get on HGTV? I know what I've said about people on reality TV, but, in my opinion, that opinion is null and void when you get a completely redecorated home. I don't care if people think I'm crazy as long as my house is pretty.

I could watch HGTV all day long. While I should be watching to get ideas to decorate our home ourselves, I am really just looking for my angle to get someone to do it for us. For free would be even better.

Specifically, I want Candace Olsen to come to my house. If anyone is looking for a birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day/Arbor Day present for me that'll last for the next 10 years, she's it. I want her to redo our kitchen and family room.

Okay?

Hello? Hello??

Thanks Mom!

So, of all the things I have inherited from my mother, why did I have to inherit the need to blow my nose after I eat? I swear, it's just another of those annoying traits we pass on to our children.

In addition to the running nose, I have acquired these awesome things from my mother:

• Her venting ability. She has this great way of telling it like it is without considering the ramifications. And once it's purged from her, all is forgotten. Except for the ones on the receiving end. The husband is real happy I got this one.

• The nervous stomach. My favorite. For most of my life, it has kept me from enjoying foods and basically being a normal person.

• Crying at movies. It doesn't matter how much of the movie we've seen, we can cry on cue at the sad parts. Clint Eastwood in the rain at the end of The Bridges of Madison County? Forget it. Strangely enough, we don't cry much at real life.

Why couldn't I have inherited some things from my dad?  He's intelligent, calm, rational.  All the things I aspire to be.  

Hopefully my kids will take after him. If not, we should buy stock in Kleenex.

Off the wagon

So, in the 5 years we've had children, I've probably had alcoholic beverages on 3 occasions. And the one time I got drunk (my 10-year class reunion - can you blame me?), I was laid up the entire next day. I wonder if it was the 2 packs of cigarettes I smoked that night?

At any rate, hangovers are not my friend. Especially when you have 2 young boys to care for the next day.

Over the last couple months, I've indulged in a few cocktails. I've realized that I am not 80 and I can enjoy a beverage or two (or four) if I want. I even found a wine that doesn't give me a hangover (even after drinking the entire bottle myself). I may not remember portions of the evening, but I didn't get sick. Success!

I found this wine at the wine bar near my office, so I frequent this place often. I get the same server every time and she knows my order. It's just like college! Hmm... not sure that's a good thing or a bad thing.

So, last night, we had a work happy hour and I, again, enjoyed my wine. After 3 glasses, I decided it was time to go. I came home, ate everything not nailed down and passed out. And this morning? I had a headache. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. Is my good run over?

I need some Motrin, a fountain Coke, and a nap.

I'm getting old

So, football season is upon us and my girlfriends and I were thinking about attending a game at our Alma Mater. While I'm not old, I am obviously older than I was in college. I was thinking about how I was then to how I am now and don't think I can hang.

Top 5 Ways You Know You're Too Old to Party Like a College Student

5. You dress for warmth, not cuteness.
4. You now make sure you stand near a bathroom at all times because your bladder ain't what it used to be. You may as well stand back in line once you finish.
3. You now remember to eat something so you can absorb some of the alcohol, as opposed to drinking on an empty stomach so you get drunker faster.
2. You now worry how you're going to get home in your condition. Walking is out of the question.
1. You nap at bars.

Sad, but true. The last time I tried to drink all day, I took a nap at the bar. We started drinking at 2 p.m., the game started at 8 p.m., I woke up at 9:30 p.m. (with a hangover).

Definitely can't hang.

Buckle up!

So, I have a theory about buckle up signs. I believe each state has a different buckle up slogan that directly correlates to the image the state wishes to convey. I realize I haven't been to very many states, but I do have opinions about the ones I have visited often.

Ohio: "Buckle up. It's our law." To the point. We made it a law. If you don't get it, it's your fault.

Pennsylvania: "Buckle up. It's your life. It's our law." They're not messing around. Most signs in PA are like that. They also have to tell you before you get to every single bridge in the whole damn state that "bridge may be icy." Is it icy in the summer? I don't think so.

Maryland: "Buckle up. We care and it's our law." Nice. Very nice. Of course, they also believe the average driver is stupid and feel they need to point out the lane that will end in 1 mile, 500 feet, 1 inch. Like we can't see it.

Virginia: "Buckle up. It's a law we can LIVE with." Well, aren't they clever?

New York: "BUCKLE UP. NEW YORK STATE LAW. SEAT BELT USE REQUIRED." Why are they always yelling?

Massachusetts: "Buckle up. It's the law." Well, thanks. Nice originality. Isn't this the same state that houses the top rated university?

Washington DC: I realize I wasn't looking high and low for a buckle up sign while visiting. I was too busy not dying on the road.  People there drive like lunatics. I almost died 12 times on my way around Dupont Circle. So, I came up with my own buckle up slogan for them.

"Buckle up. Trust me, you want to."

Baaahstaaan

So, the husband and I drove to Boston last week for my cousin's wedding. As this was my first time in Beantown, I was extremely excited. I adore the east coast.

While on the trip, I learned a few things. 

1. The Bahstan accent is my favorite.
* I would've paid any local $20 just to talk to me.
* Worcester is actually pronounced Wooster.
* One of our servers ended all her questions with "ya?" "Fries, ya?" I'm going to start doing that. Cool, ya?
* I also prefer to say "fahck".
* And, when anything goes wrong, it's now a "wicked pissah".

2. There is a Starbucks on every corner.

3. There is a Dunkin' Donuts on every other corner.
* Seriously, there were 2 Dunkin' Donuts not one mile from each other (same of the Starbucks). Makes you wonder why you'd pick one over the other. Or why you can't walk an extra 500 feet to get your donut. Are Bostonians lazy? And, if they are, do they really need more donuts?

4. The oldest continuously operated bar in the United States is in Boston. We went there. Beat that.

5. The person who developed the streets of Boston was smoking crack.
* You have to go in circles to get to where you want to go. A 2 mile trip takes 20 minutes.
* My brother, whenever driving through a roundabout said, "Hey kids! Big Ben. Parliament." Ironically, National Lampoon's European Vacation was on TV the night before we drove home.
* Bostonians like to honk their horns. (Not that they were honking at us, of course.)

6. We are responsible for all the whales and dolphins that are becoming extinct. I learned this while watching a movie at the Boston aquarium. Yes, I'll take pretty pictures with a side of guilt, ya?
* But, I'll take that with a grain of salt because they believe the plural of fish is fishes. It's fish, isn't it?

7. They offer chowda at every restaurant we went to.
* We ordered chowda at every restaurant we went to.
* We enjoyed chowda at every restaurant we went to.

8. Cape Cod does not have a picture of a fish in a cape. Anywhere.  I looked.

9. While I love the east coast, I am glad I live in the midwest. This was the. most. expensive. trip. Ever.

10. And even though I prefer living in the midwest, we weren't in Boston nearly long enough.