A few weeks ago, my 11-year-old was mopily (yeah, it's a word.. to me) playing Legos at the kitchen table. I could tell all was not right in the state of Denmark, but I didn't want to pry. Like most parents, engaging a pre-teen in conversation is like trying to capture a cat in order to take him/her to the vet. You have to creep up on her all stealth-like, get her to trust you, maybe even pet her once, and then BAM! Attack! Wrestle all 4 limbs to the ground! Shove headfirst into the travel carrier! Run like the wind!
Is that just me?
Anyway, so I engage.
Me: Hey, kid. What's going on?
Him: Eh, nothing.
Me: You OK?
Him: Well, I just found out [girl's name] likes someone in her class.
Me (side-eyed): Oh...
Him: I thought she liked me.
I could hear the pitter-patter of his little heart breaking a little. Or maybe it was mine. What do I do in this situation? I know what it's like to have a crush not reciprocated. That was me for most of my formative years. Crushes suck. To quote the dad from Sixteen Candles:
"That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else."
Dang, 80s movies are so, like, poignant.
So, to help all the mothers out there with similar stories, I have put together a tutorial. You're welcome.
1. Try not to wring the girl's neck. This should be a no brainer - no one wants to go to jail. But, you have to be reminded of this when you next see this person who has (knowingly or not) stomped all over your son's feelings. In our situation, the girl came over almost immediately after he told me, I had to hold myself back from drop-kicking her out our back door. Instead, she got the stink-eye. Take that!
2. Allow your son to share his feelings without going all mama bear on him. As I watched him struggle with grown up feelings, while playing a child-like game, I wanted to grab him, hold on for dear life, and say, "I know how you feel! I've loved, too!! Allow me to tell you about ALL of them! In detail!!!" Which then leads you into #3.
3. Share your own painful, and extremely personal, stories of heartbreak. In retrospect, this is probably bad advice. As I walked him through my many stories of unrequited love, he looked more and more alarmed. He really should know better than to talk to a mother of sons. Who else am I supposed to share my wealth of knowledge with? I know better now! Let me teach all you girls of a certain age! Boys are dumb!
If these words of wisdom don't send your son running for the hills, ensuring this is the LAST TIME he'll ever come to you for advice, you obviously did it wrong.
In the end, it all wound up OK. The girl is a friend of his, she continues to come over daily and I just have to get over it. He seems fine with it (really, he seemed fine with it less than 10 minutes after it happened).
That's boys for you.
Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape or form a person who should be giving actual parenting advice. Please do not attempt any of the above. Especially the wrestling of the cat.
1 comment:
Since he's my nephew and not my son, I shall take the liberty of kicking her in the shin next time I see her. That's my darling boy! I'll hurt anyone who hurts him! Forget Mama Bear, beware the Meemee.
Sorry Michelle! She's precious, really. I wouldn't hurt her. I promise. I mean, until later when she breaks his teenage, irreparable heart. Then I'll kick her hard.
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