Oh, patience is a virtue, alright

Today was a trying day.  Right now, we're in the middle of our busy season at work.  With the storms this week, we lost a day due to power outages, so we're a little behind on top of busy.  And even when the lights came back on, the internet and phone were still down.  So, we're busy, behind and barren.

It's been awesome.

But, despite all that, I got my work done.  I came home.  Made dinner.  Served dinner.  Cleaned up dinner.  Afterward, I deliriously anticipated ignoring the crap out of everyone in my house (namely, those little monsters miracles I've created [whom I adore] [who have also stomped on my last available nerve]), sitting down with my Diet Coke and iPad for 20 frickin' minutes.

Think I got that?

Yeah, no.

In any event, I did my best to be oblivious to their shenanigans.  Which, I think, only made them try harder to annoy me.

Enter the 5-year-old.  With hand-drawn picture.  Drawn by his own hand, I might add.

Picasso, mIright?

Him:  Hey (8-year-old), look at my pictuwe.  See the penis and butt?
Me:  Throw that away. 
Him:  Mom, it's a beawd.
Me:  It is NOT a beard.  You just said it was a penis.
Him (solemnly):  It's a beawd.  See?  A beawd goes hewa (pointing to his chin, and the chin on the picture). 
Me (to myself):  Kid's got a point.

He then goes back to the kitchen table to fix the picture.  We get this:


Him:  It's you and me.  See?  I even showed the dots on youw face.

How sweet of him to accurately portray the zits on my face!  I should just be grateful he didn't keep the penis.  And turned the butt into some lovely earrings.

And then, because he was so proud of his artistry, chased his brother around the room saying, "Oh my shit!  Oh my shit!"

Seriously?  Was he trying to work me into an early grave?

I shoo the boys upstairs to shower.  After the 5-year-old was done, he thought it'd be funny to shake his bon-bon, and, in turn, his, well, you know.

Him:  That's my wiener.
Me (sighing):  Yes.  That's your wiener. 
Him:  And it's sek-SAY!!

He's going to kill me when he reads this one day, isn't he?  Oh well, serves him right.

Fuck this Diet Coke, where's the wine??!