I have always marveled at how lucky I've been to work part-time. I get time at home with my boys and I get time outside the home with adults. The perfect combination. No one suffers because I give equal attention to both.
What a bunch of horseshit.
My boss once told me there is no such thing as work/life balance. Something always suffers. At the time, I was all, oh, sure, maybe for others. But, it turns out he's right. Something always suffers.
It sucks.
A couple weeks ago, we had our work holiday party. Because I'm part-time (and old...with children), I don't get to hang out much socially with my co-workers. But, they spend a lot of time together outside the office and know each other pretty well. Even their significant others know each other. So, there we were, my husband and I, kinda watching everyone else know each other.
Okay, so it made me sad for my youth. My first job out of college was at an ad agency. We wore jeans, drank beer at lunch (only once), happy houred every Friday... it was the best time of my life (well, a different "best time of my life" anyway). My current co-workers, while a bit older than I was then, do this a lot. At that moment, I wished I worked full-time with them and was able to hang out with them socially whenever the mood struck. But, as it is, I have to plan weeks in advance for the stars to align in order for me to work a full day, go to happy hour, and still make it home in time to put the boys to bed.
Alternately, because my job is demanding, I don't get to enjoy my home life much. I love what I do and don't really want to not work, but sometimes, I just want to say, "Fuck this shit." How many times have you ever pictured yourself throwing important papers in the air and saying, "Fuck this shit, I'm out!"?
I have friends who don't work. If I didn't work, I'd be able to see them more often. We could lunch. I could spend my summers at the neighborhood pool with the boys. We could take excursions. But, because my work schedule changes all the time, I constantly make-and-break plans with pretty much everyone I know. And, don't get me started on volunteering at the kids' school. I don't even offer anymore because I know you can't count on me.
The other irritating part is you can't complain about this situation. I have the best of both worlds. I can't whine to my working mom friends because they never get to spend time with their children. And I can't bitch to my stay-at-home mom friends because they're so bored to tears and up to their armpits in dirty diapers, they dream about throwing those diapers in the air saying, "Fuck this shit, I'm getting a job."
So, where is the balance? Does it ever get easier? I guess I'll just have to drink a little more wine every night and hope that losing my balance will help me find it again.
