My big fat Greek culture

So, I’m Greek, right? My ancestors laid the foundation of Western culture. We are the pioneers of systematic thought, democracy, philosophy, mathematics. Art. Literature. The Olympic games. Feta cheese. The world wouldn’t be where it is today if it weren’t for the Greeks.

But, the Greeks, over the centuries, have become batshit crazy. Look at their economy. What do you expect from people who take naps in the middle of the day, every day? While it’s a great practice when we visit (read: for VACATION), you can’t run the world's economy when you’re counting on other countries to take care of your problems because you're busy sleeping under your desk.

That’s blasphemy, right? Popou, I’m sorry.

We recently had our annual Greek festival at my church. I have forever loved this festival; I look forward to the food and dancing every year. This year was no exception. I planned to meet my friends Friday night for dinner and drinks, even getting a babysitter so I could enjoy myself in earnest. It was going to be a great night.

Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out that way. As soon as we arrived, I felt under the weather. I thought it would pass, so I did my best to enjoy myself. My mother could tell I wasn’t doing well and was highly concerned someone had given me The Mati.

Ah yes, The Mati. Example Numero Uno (that’s Spanish, isn’t it?) why I’m proud to be Greek.

The Mati is the evil eye. The evil eye is "a curse put upon a person to cause injury or bad luck for reasons of envy or dislike" (thanks, Greek culture websites!). Last summer, while they were in Greece, my mother was convinced my sister had been given The Mati. They went so far as to go through a xematiasma, a process where the “healer”says a prayer to rid the sufferer of the curse. If the victim does, in fact, have The Mati, both the healer and the victim yawn (you’re yawning now, aren’t you?) profusely. The healer performs the sign of the cross 3 times, spits on (or, perhaps, around) the victim 3 times and voila! (there’s some French for you) she is cured. 

Yes, the spitting. The Greeks love to spit on people as a sign of good luck. And always 3 times. So, word to the wise, if you find a Greek spitting on you, be sure to count the number of times he/she does it before deciding to punch him/her in the throat.

But, as luck would have it, you can protect yourself from The Mati. All you need to do is arm yourself with a particular charm, an all-seeing eye that acts as a protector from the curse. I was given one for each of my sons when they were born. Whenever anyone complimented them, the all-seeing eye was to protect them from… I don’t know what. The compliment? We also say “God bless him (her)” anytime anyone is given a compliment or praise so they don’t end up hurt. Or something. Like I said, we’re batshit crazy. But you can bet I do it anyway. I don’t want anything bad to happen to my children or nieces because I didn’t bless them after a compliment. Who wants that hanging over her head??

Needless to say, I was scared shitless slightly concerned someone had given me The Mati. It was the only acceptable explanation for my ailment, right? Forget science! My mother consulted my aunt (who is 15 months her senior, and therefore, more knowledgeable). My aunt, mercifully, explained to us both that blue-eyed people (which I am) cannot receive The Mati, we can only give it.  This is why the charm itself has a blue eye.  Woohoo!I have power! Beware!! Well, that’s a load off.

Of course, in the middle of this conversation, people were walking by, looking at us like we were – you guessed it – batshit crazy. Evil eyes? Blue-eyed people can’t get it? Brown-eyed people are doomed to live in fear of the blue-eyed people of the world? We SPIT on people?!

The good news is that I was feeling better by the next day and was able to get a souvlaki for lunch. OPA!